Saturday, August 4, 2012

A State of Mind

A state of mind. Happiness.

Looking back, it was pitch black. Not that he hadn't seen dark places before or in the recent past, but this was different. Earlier he stood in the dark while looking at it. Now however, he was standing in light. Funnily, it occurred to him that, in light, darkness seemed darker. His mind went on reeling. Backward. He looked sideways.

A state of mind. Relief.

He saw his friend. He had a famished look on his face. Both of them had never parted ways. Always being together, was something that hardened both of them; to the point that, one would feel incapacitated without the other. Funnily, it occurred to him that he didn't feel that way about anyone else. His mind went reeling. Backward. He strained his eyes.

A state of mind. Disappointment.

He did reach out, though there was nothing to prove it. No one to prove it? No, you couldn't say so. There was proof standing beside. Still, disappointment pervades relief. He thought someone would follow through. The two stood there, waiting for a very long time. Were they in a hurry? No, not at all. Still, no one came through. He thought it was his fault no one else came. He felt bad. His mind went on reeling. Backward.

A state of mind. Guilt.

It was a tunnel, a long and dark one. Really long and really dark. He had determination. Frustration would mount sometimes. Pain was no longer the driving force there. Pain was meaningless. Whereas frustration meant that sooner or later, giving up would follow. The abandoned sailor, out of uncontrollable thirst, turning to salt water. He tried his best. In all ways. To motivate, communicate. A frustrated mind doesn't listen. Still, he tried. His only consolation was that he could reach out to at least one. His eyes were moist. His mind went reeling. Backward.

A state of mind. Diversion.

The dark tunnel however was a tantalizing one. Not the sort of tantalizing that would tempt an ignorant creature venture into it, but the sort that feeds a spoon, just a spoon of hope, when almost all was lost. There were these really small holes on the walls of the tunnel. They didn't have a pattern, they didn't serve any real function, but their aim, their purpose was to tantalize. Light, like hope, pervades. Creeps up into the most unreachable of places. The frustrated few, got excited now! "Oh wait, I can dig through. I can get out." Valiant attempts, but in vain. He, however knew that the only way to get out was to move forward. But they wouldn't listen to the two! They really believed what they thought.

A state of mind. Illusion.

They thought what they liked to think. When faced in a dilemma, we always take a side. Impartiality is overrated. "I hope its not so." in itself, is choosing a side. Acceptance is clouded by illusion. They dug, and the only thing that happened was the bruising of their hands. They continued, saying, "I can't give up now." There is no worse illusion than false hope. Some complained and continued, whereas some gave up. What they all didn't understand that they forgot to move on, to move forward. His friend placed his hand on his shoulder. His thoughts vanished; he couldn't judge them; for they had already met the consequences.

A state of mind. Reality.

There is no escaping reality. The two knew it. Solutions come with progress, and the only progress was to move forward. They held hands and walked out into the light; they felt sorry for those didn't make it, more importantly, they felt grateful that they made it. He felt compelled to speak. It had been quite a while since anybody spoke. Happiness, fogged by many other emotions, that he only managed to utter,

"I thank, whatever gods may be,
For my unconquerable soul."

P.S.: The quote is from a poem called Invictus. Wonderful poem, do read it. Inspiration for this post is also the same.

If you're reading this line, thank you for your patience. I will take the liberty of saying that, you would've related yourself in some circumstance, to at least one of the states of mind described above. Thank you :)